I told my friend that if I had known what marriage was like I would have insisted that he charges much more than he did for my bride price and he laughed out loud. Called me crazy but I gave him my reasoning and the conversation went something like this: (p.s my friend is married as well)
Enchante: sha if i knew what marriage was like i would have insisted that my father charges much more!
friend:iwe uri benzi chairo ( you are crazy)
Enchante: say what you want but you guys have it easy
Friend: u figure we have it easy? i might just love this argument
Enchante: yes, and dont give me BS about the expectation to provide for the family, its ancient, women work as hard. in fact we have 3 full time jobs, at work, being a mother, wife to you and a fourth, housekeeping. and all are done simultaneously, everyday, for the rest of our lives
Friend:i think the problem that u are having is that u are suggesting u guys go it all alone and we basically play no part AT ALL
Enchante: i dont know about you sha, but the average african man will get home and either start flipping thru channels or read the paper, you are lucky if he plays with the kids, then expects a hot meal in front of him, doesnt know what happens to the dishes afterwards, goes into the bedroom expects tactics of pornographic film quality and wakes up the next morning asking where the hell his blue shirt is not knowing or caring who washed or ironed it and off to work he goes. am i lying?
Friend:k, b4 i reason out, how would u have that scene played out instead? PS, i laughed!!!!
Enchante: well i would expect that when i get home, he immediately takes the kids so i have time to cook ( or even better once in a while he offers to cook) then after we eat he helps clear out the dishes, i can do the dishes while he puts them away, trust me after that i would be more than will to perform wonders in the bedrum coz i wont be as tired also i would feel appreciated
Friend: k, well, honestly speaking i can tell u men are like kids, they are not born with a nature that is fatherly or husbandly, unlike u our partners u are born with the instinct and it only but grows, u have to educate us on your needs and expectations at times, i have been told once in a while, not saying am good coz at times i just do the dishes wrong but i get to do it coz i have been informed that it helps save energy and allows for some action after hours, lol
Enchante: well you see there are few men (like u perhaps) who after being told that a little help is appreciated, actually go ahead and help. most just nod but never do it. i will tell you that one time my hubby cooked and his son laughed his lungs out and said "daddy havabike" (daddy doesn’t cook) imagine my horror. what kind of a man am i raising, what kind of husband will he be?
so dear readers, and i will
2 comments:
iii, amai. nhau yenyu iyi yandibatabata. As a woman who is single I am inclined to say, I'm not sure what the answer is. I agree to a certain extent with you, but then I also have to agree with your friend. I remember when I was still in school, my english teacher used to say that girls were more mature than guys, especially if you are of similar age. She used to say you have to shave about 3 years off a guy's age to get his actual maturity age. And in my experience with men I find this to be true. So, I tend to agree with your friend that as women we do need to educate our men in the areas that we sometimes expect them to just know! I agree, as women we tend to take on the bulk of the responsibility in the home, but it was always so even in the olden days. And, even if it is getting better, and men are sharing more of that responsibility, it'll take a long time to get men to acknowledge that it is indeed a shared responsibility.
Clearly views - and indeed the pragmatics of the situation - often dictate that the earning potentials of both people are maximised. In my part of the world, the bride price is a nominal fee and the expectation - often clearly expressed - is that the wife is being given in trust to be cared for not being sold. Most of the blokes I know also help out around the house, and mind the children, so I think perceptions around being useful around the house are changing.. :) first time here I believe
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