Social misfit

I am a generally easy going person and I do have friends that I hang out with and I don’t really consider myself “stuck-up”. However I seem to have gotten a reputation for shunning social events hosted by my work colleagues. Here is my take on it, if you have your child’s party and I can make it, I do make every point to make it. But if I am having challenges like I don’t have a car that weekend and getting to your place requires an intricate knowledge of public transport and road maps in your area, then I simply wont go out of my way to try and make it. Unfortunately for me, the latter occasions have happened one too many times. So the result? I am no longer invited to such events, and the last time that I got invited and I actually pitched, I was out rightly told that there had been major betting with some swearing that I wouldn’t pitch up.

Now naturally I wouldn’t let it bother me and most of the time I do succeed in actually ignoring it, but something must have snapped if I am making a post out of it. I don’t know really I am half-bothered and half of me couldn’t care less. I guess the half that’s bothered is the one which keeps telling me that I have worked with some of these people for almost 5 years and I spend 8 hours a day 5 days a week with them, so really should make more effort. But the half that couldn’t care less is busy telling me that I don’t even like some of these people, I work ok with them professionally but I am not sure I like some of their personalities outside work issues.

Anyway since I have made the argument that exonerates me last, I shall sign off feeling good about myself, sue me!

nostalgia

Today I woke up young again. I woke up 16 and I am not sure how it happened, and though my body was evidently of a mature 27-year-old mother, my heart was 16. I woke up in high school today and I heard the familiar sounds and smelt the familiar smells. I felt the same emotions that I felt 11 years ago and I realized the same feelings are still there at in the centre of my 27-year-old heart. I heard Lauryn Hill’s X-factor and Blackstreet’s Don’t leave. They rang so clearly as if they were playing in the room I was in. I heard whispers in the wind and I could clearly understand the whispered words unspoken. Its probably just nostalgia that elusive, heart-breaking emotion. Yes I am sure that what it was, though it felt stronger than that.

I know we grow and we choose different life’s paths but I think the heart remains the same. It gets diverted, it gets heartbroken, disappointed but I believe it never changes the rhythm of its beating. Its still the same, it never changed. And sometimes I find comfort in remembering that fact, because it means I can hold on to the purity and the real deal.

I woke up thinking of a friend today, and I know I have dropped more friends than I have made in my entire life, but there are always some who fall unintentionally and I just cant seem to let go of those.

2010

Before I go anywhere just wanna say I am so loving Whitney and I am so glad she is back!

Ok now that the randomness is out of the way, hope all of you had a good holiday, I no longer know how I feel about the festive season. At some point the excitement wore off as I progressed into my twenties, but I guess now I thank God for the gift of children coz now my son’s enthusiasm about Christmas is making me start to believe again.

I usually avoid the word resolution like the plague because most (read all) the time I never seem to stick to them so why set myself up for failure right? Besides I always wait until my birthday to go into the whole reflective mode and planning for the future bit. Here is my logic, no point marking the beginning of the year on 1 Jan when I wasn’t even born yet so technically my year hasn’t ended yet. It’s a good thing I was born in January though that means I am not too far behind all y’all. This year however because I spent eons of time at home doing basically nothing I had plenty of time to think and found myself thinking about what I want out of 2010. Actually no ignore that I mean what 2010 is gonna get out of me, its all about me at the end of the day is it not? I decided one thing; in 2010 I wanna live a little! (ok maybe quite a bit!) what I mean is a lot of us (read me) go through life shying away from certain things because we say “oh that’s just not me” or “oh I couldn’t possibly wear that its just not me!” yet we don’t actually have a definition of who “ME” is! I will have you know that I have lost out on some pretty fab fashion simply because I didn’t have the guts to step out of my comfy zone. But no more! And its not just a threat I have already went out and got myself a funky vibrant wardrobe such that the other day my hubby looked at me with a look that said “hey who are you and what have you done with my wife?” the good news though is he is loving it!

So I am now officially getting into my late twenties, next week to be precise. When you are closer to 25 you always console yourself by saying you are in your mid-twenties. However I am finally approaching the stage where “young” will cease to be the pre-fix for lady in reference to me (Thomas Hardy). For a long time I have been scared of turning 30. It sounded so…serious. Like you need to have achieved all your goals by 30, to be exactly where you should be in life, being stable etc. but you know what I am not scared anymore. I am looking forward to mature, sexy 30. 30 is blossoming into a woman, 30 is making decisions for you and not for anyone else, 30 is not about compromising, 30 is self-assured and no nonsense. I can’t wait to be 30!

2010 is the year of Breakthrough! Yeah baby those mountains will certainly move this year, and oceans shall open the way for me. I can already feel it and I have already started experiencing it! Watch this space for more.