The elusive "one"

A discussion with my bestie last night planted some thoughts into my head and made me ponder over the remarkable issue of meeting "the one". Of course, watching Eclipse just before bed also made me wake up with all sorts of wonderings about life partners vis the Bella-Edward-Jacob triangle. what i am thinking is, first of all, the age old question, is there a single "one" person, soulmate, love of your life kinda person that you will ever meet in life, or is it possible that you can meet a few people and still love them intensely and whole-heartedly in a lifetime? unfortunately i am not sure i have an answer to that, it still baffles me. but for argument's sake, lets say that there is "the one", how do you know when you meet them?

I am certain its more than just a cliched catching of the eye across a crowded room, it even goes beyond butterflies or heated passion. there has to be a more unfathomable (my thats a big word) connection that is stronger than anything that could break you. you have to be able to be FULLY yourself with that person, no pretense, no trying to impress. you have to understand each other on all levels, the term i used to use when i was younger was "with your hearts beating to one rhythm" well figuratively speaking at least. You have to be able to look at that person and tell them the silliest things that get into your head, your deepest fears, your fantasies, your dreams and everything about you and know that it is safe with them.

before i start sounding like a hallmark card, i just think there is an internal radar that pulls you to that person, sometimes against your will, sometimes when it doesnt make sense. I am not sure in reality it would be the same as sacrificing your soul for that person (Bella) but it has to be somewhere up there.

i am not sure i will ever be able to define "the one" but i am a hopeless romantic, i am pretty certain the concept exists!

Who am i

I was avidly stalking several blogs last night and if anyone has done that they know that once you start, you cant stop. Each blog links you to another and the cycle goes on and on. Anyway the point is I got exposed to so many people’s thoughts such that I swear by the time I finished I had their voices buzzing in my head, all at the same time. (((creepy))) And in a way it made me start to wonder what my own thoughts were, on several things, life, relationships, fashion, traveling, movies, music, EVERYTHING. But I thought before I overwhelm myself, I decided to take a leaf (or is it an icon) from my girl Kookie’s (page) and write about who I am.

For a while I rode on the waves of what I thought people thought I was (does that make sense?) as in I let people’s expectations of me determine my behavior and my judgment. I was molded on my perceived opinion of people on me. As much as I love my folks, I just think they worked too hard to make me a model child. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful coz it kept me out of a lot of trouble that I am better off without but at the same time, I wish I had made some of my own mistakes. So for the better part of my growing up I lived into that mould, I was always too afraid to step out of the line, I never developed wings for adventure. I had an iron clad conscience that made sure I was never tempted to bend the rules (pathetic I know we are not even taking breaking them here, just bending)

So now I am in my late twenties, and finally it dawns on me that I am my own person. That I can make decision for my own gratification and worry about the consequences later. I have the power to make my own mistakes, and learn from them and move on. I have the ability to know what’s good for me and what is not and still go ahead and do either. I have learnt which relationships are important and which ones to discard and never look back. And all that has made me into a confident, self assured person. It has made me face the world with a headstrong determination that after all is said and done; I can only be who I am and noone else. And most importantly I know better now, I will not bring my son up to be who I grew up as, with the crippling fear of the unknown which resulted me in never learning how to ride a bike, or how to swim. I shall teach him to seize life by the horns, and find who he really is, all on his own.

I can say now at the ripe, mature age of 27, I finally know who I am.

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So when we meet, pretend you are doing fine
Pretend that your heart is not broken
Smile and hold your head high
And pretend you are not about to crumble
And that your arms are not aching to hold me
Because that’s what I will do.

So when you see me, pretend I am just another girl
A person you are meeting on the street
Say hi and ask how I am doing
But don’t expect me to tell you the truth
Just nod at whatever I tell you
That I am fabulous and doing great
Though we both know that’s far from the truth.

So when we sit together
Pretend my presence doesn’t affect you
And act like you don’t miss kissing me
And that hearing my voice is just one of these things
Act like the moments we shared didn’t mean that much
For my sake, please do that
As that’s the only way we will get through this