The S*** has hit the fan BIG TIME!

I never thought I would blog about the same topic twice but desperate times people desperate times. Now I was all in tears sobbing about the loss of my BFF just last week. And I really was low and in a sad mood. But hey, this ahs turned into a downright nasty encounter. And the sickeningly funny thing is I have not said anything in return, all I have said is that its better we call it quits, to which i got attacked in an avalanche of words that seem to have been plucked out of a particularly best-selling copy of insults. I mean come on, I am in my late twenties, I cant be doing cat-fights ON EMAIL and getting all clawed up over something frankly I have no clue about. In fact if I still had the desire to sit her down properly and ask her what she is stark-raving mad about, I doubt she will have an answer!

That being said since I am over the shock of the attack, I can say that I should have the emails carefully extracted and preserved. They could work very well for someone who is trying to get rid of a boyfriend and ensure that he never again attempts to get in touch. SMH, some people! I am wondering now whether she was always this special brand of Cruella or the truck-loads of money she is making now has gotten to her head. As you can see, from this post, respect for her and loyalty to our years of friendship have totally flown out of the window and I am not in a hurry to scurry after them.

I am done with this, sue me.

Related to that really I wonder what it is about us women that always gets us in this sort of mess. I mean guys can pull punches, put each other in ICU, and yet a short while later they will be buying each other beer against the strict orders of the doctor. Why do we women harbour bitterness and animosity? Why do we always pull out the obvious arsenal PHD (pull her down). I really don’t know, if someone does, kindly shed some light.

Friday Randomness

I just finished reading Steve Harvey's Act like a lady, Think like a man. all i can say is its unputdownable! i am not big on self-help/motivation/relationship advice kinda books, i never get past the first chapter but this, i found truly refreshing. mostly coz i found myself nodding at most of the things he was saying, the things that we women always know at the back of our minds but decide to ignore anyway because we wanna get that man, and keep him against all odds. and it also made me understand some of the things that have made me previously mad at DH for, like i dont care how new-age your man happens to be happen, but he will not cook or do dishes, on an average day, especially after the ring is on your finger. thats just men for you. i wont give away too much in case someone wants to have a look at it, which i strongly advise, its a great read. and if anyone wants a copy i can hook you up with an e-copy, just holla at me.

talking about reading i just realised that i have regained my passion for reading. somehow amidst the court papers to done and redone, toys to pick up after, forcefeeding coaxing a three-year-old to eat, feeding an older three-year-old my husband and finally getting to put my feet up, i find time to pick up a book and flip through several pages. and i have to join a library soon coz at the rate i am going i will run out of money and shelf-space for all the books i am buying. thank goodness for e-books that i occassionally read.

that being said i am looking forward to lazing around on the weekend with my latest stash of books! have a great one!

my best friend is gone....

i lost a friend today, my best friend to be exact. in fact i have posted about her before, my forever constant, my partner in crime. she and i have been friends for all of my adult life, i met her just as i was entering into adulthood. at the time when i was discovering life, discovering myself and i discovered a kindred spirit in her. we shared a great deal first kisses, first heartbreaks you know the works. its like my earth came shattering down on me, my maid of honour is gone.

but before you start really shedding tears for me she didnt die. and even though i woke up today thinking i would write a really nasty post about, i guess the loyalty i have felt over all these years is still in tact. today my friend said hurtful things to me, she said things that i dont even have the courage to say to my enemy. she called me all sorts of things and i am still trying to figure out what i did to deserve all that. i didnt cry, maybe i am still in shock. mayve this is a wound that has been festering bit by bit and i was blissfully unaware of it, or i was bandaging over it. but today the bandage was rudely ripped off, they always say its better without warning. but i wanted to be warned, i wanted to be told that it is going to bleed and be really really painful. until i started writing this post i hadnt shed a tear, but now i can hardly see the screen.

my best friend is gone....and i have never had a best friend before....what am i going to do?

my first love letter

Something triggered an old memory today. I just remembered the first time I became aware of boys as “boys”, in other words my very first crush. I was 8 years old and he was 13. I remember he was light in complexion, very good looking (at least that’s what I thought) and he was an athlete. I remember my heart racing fast, palms sweating and getting all flustered every time he was close by. And I never had the guts to look him straight in the face. And the worst part is, he liked me too! I say the worst because what then happened was he wrote me a letter. I remember reading the first few lines and then throwing it away. My best friend couldn’t as well pass up a really juicy story took it and read it. I refused to let her read it out loud, I don’t even know whether I was angry with him or if I was too embarrassed to receive a letter from a boy. Now 20 years letter I wonder if I shouldn’t have read and memorized my very first love letter.

Social misfit

I am a generally easy going person and I do have friends that I hang out with and I don’t really consider myself “stuck-up”. However I seem to have gotten a reputation for shunning social events hosted by my work colleagues. Here is my take on it, if you have your child’s party and I can make it, I do make every point to make it. But if I am having challenges like I don’t have a car that weekend and getting to your place requires an intricate knowledge of public transport and road maps in your area, then I simply wont go out of my way to try and make it. Unfortunately for me, the latter occasions have happened one too many times. So the result? I am no longer invited to such events, and the last time that I got invited and I actually pitched, I was out rightly told that there had been major betting with some swearing that I wouldn’t pitch up.

Now naturally I wouldn’t let it bother me and most of the time I do succeed in actually ignoring it, but something must have snapped if I am making a post out of it. I don’t know really I am half-bothered and half of me couldn’t care less. I guess the half that’s bothered is the one which keeps telling me that I have worked with some of these people for almost 5 years and I spend 8 hours a day 5 days a week with them, so really should make more effort. But the half that couldn’t care less is busy telling me that I don’t even like some of these people, I work ok with them professionally but I am not sure I like some of their personalities outside work issues.

Anyway since I have made the argument that exonerates me last, I shall sign off feeling good about myself, sue me!

nostalgia

Today I woke up young again. I woke up 16 and I am not sure how it happened, and though my body was evidently of a mature 27-year-old mother, my heart was 16. I woke up in high school today and I heard the familiar sounds and smelt the familiar smells. I felt the same emotions that I felt 11 years ago and I realized the same feelings are still there at in the centre of my 27-year-old heart. I heard Lauryn Hill’s X-factor and Blackstreet’s Don’t leave. They rang so clearly as if they were playing in the room I was in. I heard whispers in the wind and I could clearly understand the whispered words unspoken. Its probably just nostalgia that elusive, heart-breaking emotion. Yes I am sure that what it was, though it felt stronger than that.

I know we grow and we choose different life’s paths but I think the heart remains the same. It gets diverted, it gets heartbroken, disappointed but I believe it never changes the rhythm of its beating. Its still the same, it never changed. And sometimes I find comfort in remembering that fact, because it means I can hold on to the purity and the real deal.

I woke up thinking of a friend today, and I know I have dropped more friends than I have made in my entire life, but there are always some who fall unintentionally and I just cant seem to let go of those.

2010

Before I go anywhere just wanna say I am so loving Whitney and I am so glad she is back!

Ok now that the randomness is out of the way, hope all of you had a good holiday, I no longer know how I feel about the festive season. At some point the excitement wore off as I progressed into my twenties, but I guess now I thank God for the gift of children coz now my son’s enthusiasm about Christmas is making me start to believe again.

I usually avoid the word resolution like the plague because most (read all) the time I never seem to stick to them so why set myself up for failure right? Besides I always wait until my birthday to go into the whole reflective mode and planning for the future bit. Here is my logic, no point marking the beginning of the year on 1 Jan when I wasn’t even born yet so technically my year hasn’t ended yet. It’s a good thing I was born in January though that means I am not too far behind all y’all. This year however because I spent eons of time at home doing basically nothing I had plenty of time to think and found myself thinking about what I want out of 2010. Actually no ignore that I mean what 2010 is gonna get out of me, its all about me at the end of the day is it not? I decided one thing; in 2010 I wanna live a little! (ok maybe quite a bit!) what I mean is a lot of us (read me) go through life shying away from certain things because we say “oh that’s just not me” or “oh I couldn’t possibly wear that its just not me!” yet we don’t actually have a definition of who “ME” is! I will have you know that I have lost out on some pretty fab fashion simply because I didn’t have the guts to step out of my comfy zone. But no more! And its not just a threat I have already went out and got myself a funky vibrant wardrobe such that the other day my hubby looked at me with a look that said “hey who are you and what have you done with my wife?” the good news though is he is loving it!

So I am now officially getting into my late twenties, next week to be precise. When you are closer to 25 you always console yourself by saying you are in your mid-twenties. However I am finally approaching the stage where “young” will cease to be the pre-fix for lady in reference to me (Thomas Hardy). For a long time I have been scared of turning 30. It sounded so…serious. Like you need to have achieved all your goals by 30, to be exactly where you should be in life, being stable etc. but you know what I am not scared anymore. I am looking forward to mature, sexy 30. 30 is blossoming into a woman, 30 is making decisions for you and not for anyone else, 30 is not about compromising, 30 is self-assured and no nonsense. I can’t wait to be 30!

2010 is the year of Breakthrough! Yeah baby those mountains will certainly move this year, and oceans shall open the way for me. I can already feel it and I have already started experiencing it! Watch this space for more.