letter

Today I am low. In fact I bordering on depression but I just think that’s being too melodramatic. So today I am just writing a letter to God, my father, my confidante.

Hey Dad

Oh I guess you already know what I am going to say even before I have said it. And today I just want to come and sit at your feet and look for wisdom from you. you see (well you know) I have been struggling and I have had pain in my heart, and anger sometimes, and regret and bitterness in a way. And you know why I have had all those emotions, I have been bottling them up because I always thought it is not right to express them. And I know you haven’t really sanctioned me to have such negative emotions, because they negate your promise and positive word. But hey I guess I have been stubborn and today the first thing I want to do is to apologise. I am sorry for having doubted your love for me, I am sorry for being angry at things I cannot change and not trusting you to bail me out, I am sorry I lied to myself and to you about what I was really feeling. As you can probably tell I am pretty messed up right now. but I know why I am messed up, because that slimy foul thing the devil has been teasing me and telling me all the things that I cant do. He is busy laughing at my confusion and rubbing his gnarly bony palms with an evil gleam in his eye that his plan worked.

But today I will proclaim for all who care to listen (including the sucker-devil) that he cannot take my joy. Oops I am sorry Dad that this has kinda turned into an attack on the slimy thing instead of a letter to you. I am sorry Dad really I am. Anyway today I take comfort in your word that says you make all things come together for the good for all who trust in you. And today I am giving up all pretence of being a superwoman. Oh no, aint nothing super about me. I am rightly giving back all the glory to you coz you deserve it. I am letting you take charge of my life once again and I am content to just sit quietly in the back and let you work the cockpit. I am sorry I ever thought that with zero hours of flying experience I could ever steer an engine as big as my life, what a joke!

It will not be easy to just sit quietly so I am asking for strength and wisdom, and patience, and discernment and all the other ammunition I need to fight this battle. I will always endeavour to stay in the kingdom in right-thinking peace and joy in the Holy Ghost. I shall endeavour to rejoice always and pray without ceasing and give thanks in everything for that is Your will for my life.

Thank you Father, I love you so much.